What Men Really Ask When the Room Goes Quiet
On Monday night, I stood in front of a room of men who had come to a talk titled resilience, performance, and the mental advantage.
The topic?
How to get ahead in life. How to think better. How to build the psychological edge.
At least, that’s what the event description said.
But the moment the Q&A opened, it became clear - as it always does - that beneath the language of performance sits the truth of our species.
We don’t begin by asking how to climb.
We begin by asking what’s pulling us down.
And the questions that came weren’t about productivity hacks or mindset tricks.
They were the kinds of questions psychology is designed to answer.
How do I cope when I feel like I’m spinning too many plates?
How do you recover from trauma you thought you’d left behind?
How do I raise my kids differently from how I was raised?
What do you do with the inner negative voice that never shuts up?
Why do I feel like an imposter, even when I’m succeeding?
How do I support a friend who’s suicidal?
How do I find meaning? Faith? Belonging? Purpose?
A room full of people who showed up to talk about “high performance”… ended up talking about the parts of us that most shape performance:
Our inner world.
Our emotional inheritance.
Our attachment patterns.
Our trauma imprints.
Our ancient brain doing its best in a modern world.
Whether you’re a man, a woman, a leader, a parent, an athlete, or someone simply trying to hold it all together, the same themes apply:
You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You don’t need to be invincible.
You don’t need to shut parts of yourself away to succeed.
What you need is a compass.
A way of understanding the forces shaping your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and a way forward that honours both the Stone Age survival system you inherited and the 21st-century life you’re trying to build.
That’s where psychology comes in.
Not as a guru guide.
Not as a “10-step method for success.”
But as a map, one that helps you see both the obstacles and the path ahead.
Because we are complicated creatures with ancient wiring, modern pressures, and tender hearts.
And we’re all just trying to find our way.
If you’d like me to bring this work to your team, organisation, or event…
I’m delivering a series of talks and workshops on:
Mental Advantage
Resilience Under Pressure
Leadership & Emotional Intelligence
Men’s Mental Health
The Psychology of Performance
If you’d like to explore a talk, workshop, or session for your organisation, you can simply reply to this email.
I’d be honoured to support your people.
Matt
