Lonely at the Top: Who Do You Talk To?

Earlier this year, a CEO reached out to me...

He was successful by every measure - smart, sharp, charismatic - leading a team of 60 with steady growth and a strong public profile.

We started the call with some back-and-forth talking about life, sport, the chaos of half-term with kids at home. 

It was clear he was a funny, thoughtful guy, the kind of leader people trust. The kind of man who wears pressure well, usually with a smile and a joke.

But within a few minutes, when I asked what led him to reach out, something shifted. We started talking about the struggle of leadership, and he dropped the line I’ve heard from countless founders, execs, and high performers:

“I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this.”

He couldn’t vent to his team without worrying them, and he couldn’t admit uncertainty to his board for fear of losing credibility. 

Like many leaders, he had built a cage of expectations around himself. 

He was used to having all the answers, and so expressing doubts felt impossible…

He’s far from the only one.

Over the years I’ve supported CEOs, founders, senior leaders, directors - all high performers with equally impressive résumés. 

On paper, they had it all.

But in private sessions each one described what nobody sees - loneliness and the weight of responsibility ‘at the top.

Every time, I hear a version of the same thing:

The higher you climb, the smaller your circle gets and the heavier the responsibility feels.

This isn’t surprising when you consider the stakes: leaders often put everyone else’s needs before their own. 

And in positions of responsibility - and so often in men - there’s a deeply ingrained mindset that equates vulnerability with weakness, making it extremely hard for even high performers to ask for help when they know they’re struggling. 

In other words, the very traits that help leaders succeed - self-reliance, confidence, toughness - can also imprison them in silence. 

And research confirms executive loneliness is widespread.

A recent study found that 97% of CEOs involved had felt lonely or isolated at some point recently, and nearly 19% felt lonely “all the time”. 

And more than 61% of those leaders said that loneliness had negative consequences on their performance at work, as well as their mood, confidence, and personal relationships.

The Cost of Appearing ‘Unbreakable’

And so a cruel paradox emerges: leaders often create safe, supportive cultures for everyone else, while never allowing themselves that same grace.

I hear this across industries, more often that I would like:

“There’s no one I can really talk to who gets it, without it being risky.”

Often, they’re surrounded by people.

But they’re still alone with the hard stuff.

Even with partners, advisors, or board members in place, they hold back.

Because sharing openly feels like a threat to how they’re seen.

And perhaps even harder, it feels like admitting you're not the leader they need you to be.

That’s where this work comes in.

It’s not therapy in the traditional sense.

And it’s not coaching in the surface-level sense either.

It’s a confidential, human space, where you can take off the armour.

Where you don’t have to perform or protect.

And yes, talking to anyone at all can help.

But here’s where working with a psychologist is different.

I don’t just listen, I help you unpick the deeper stuff:

• the beliefs and patterns that drive you

• the strategies you’re using without even realising it

• the fears underneath your perfectionism, your delegation struggles, your frustration with your team

• the internal stories about worth, trust, vulnerability, control

And I do that with one foot in the human world, and one in the performance world.

Because the goal isn’t just to feel better. It’s to lead better, live better, and actually enjoy the life you’ve worked so hard to build.

The truth is, this work is a privilege.

Because what I get to witness, behind the scenes, is people who are strong enough to lead and brave enough to admit when they’re stretched.

Not because they’re broken.

But because they want to do this well and not lose themselves in the process.

If that’s you, I’d be glad to support you.

And if not me, then someone who gives you that same space to think, feel, and breathe again.

You don’t have to carry it alone.

Warmly,

Matt