The Trap of Labels
Alan Watts once told a story about a Chinese farmer that changed how I see resilience. Today, I thought I'd share it with you.
It goes like this....
One day, a farmer’s only horse bolted from the stable and disappeared into the hills. By evening, the neighbours had gathered at his gate, shaking their heads.
“Such bad luck,” they said.
“Maybe,” replied the farmer.
The next day, to everyone’s astonishment, the horse returned and behind it trailed seven wild horses. The neighbours crowded round again.
“What good fortune!” they cheered.
“Maybe,” said the farmer.
Later that week, the farmer’s son tried to tame one of the wild horses. The animal reared, flung him to the ground, and snapped his leg. As the boy cried out in pain, the neighbours came rushing.
“How terrible!” they exclaimed.
“Maybe,” the farmer said again.
Not long after, the army came into the village, demanding every able-bodied young man for war. One by one, the sons were marched away. But the farmer’s boy, lying with his leg in a splint, was left behind….
Good… Bad… Maybe?
The Trap of Labels
We love to sort life into neat boxes.
Promotion = good.
Breakup = bad.
Big deal signed = good.
Project lost = bad.
It feels tidy. Certain. Safe.
But here’s the truth: we rarely know, in the moment, what something will mean.
A setback that looks like failure today may plant the seed for tomorrow’s opportunity.
A “win” that feels like success may carry hidden pressures that later feel like chains.
Life doesn’t always announce where it’s taking us…
Why It Matters for Us
I see this all the time in my work.
We rush to stick a label on each event because our brains crave certainty. The amygdala - the brain’s threat-scanner - wants quick answers: good or bad, safe or dangerous.
That instinct once kept us alive on the savannah.
It doesn’t always make us wise at work or in relationships.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we teach something similar:
Labels are just thoughts, not facts. ACT doesn’t ask us to deny pain or pretend losses don’t hurt. It helps us notice the story our mind is telling and keep acting on what truly matters.
The farmer’s quiet “maybe” is a small but radical practice:
It stops the knee-jerk judgment.
It buys a breath before reaction.
It keeps us open to the bigger picture that’s still unfolding.
To live how we want, that pause is gold.
Rushing to declare every twist a “win” or a “loss” can look decisive, but it can also:
blind us to lessons,
choke off creativity,
close doors that haven’t had a chance to open.
Holding labels lightly doesn’t make us indecisive; it makes us wiser.
It lets us respond rather than react.
The next time something unexpected happens, try the farmer’s word: “Maybe.”
That single word can create the space for perspective,
And perspective is what keeps you steady under pressure, and resilient through hardship.
Reflection Exercise
Take 3 minutes this week and write down:
One event you’re currently labelling as “good” or “bad.”
What might change if you held it more lightly, as a “maybe”?
Where in your life could you hold a little more “maybe” this week?
