The Skill No One Teaches You… Trusting Yourself

How Do You Trust Yourself?

It’s a question that’s come up with clients recently and, if I’m honest, in my own life too.

Not bravado. Not ego. Not blind faith.

But that quieter kind of confidence:
→ The belief that when the waves rise, you’ll hold your course.
→ The trust that when discomfort shows up, you won’t run from it.
→ The steady knowing that you can move toward what matters, even when fear tags along.

Because here’s the truth: any real growth is uncomfortable.

By its very nature, it pushes us out of the familiar and into the challenge zone.
And our brains - built for survival, not purpose - don’t like that.

Uncertainty means risk.
Risk means danger.
And danger, for most of human history, meant life or death.
So it’s no surprise that even now, when food, water, and safety are closer than ever in human history, uncertainty still triggers a deep biological alarm.

That’s why so many of us fall into experiential avoidance: avoiding not the challenge itself, but the uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and sensations that come with it.
The tight chest.
The restless mind.
The voice whispering, “You can’t handle this.”

But trusting yourself isn’t about waiting for those feelings to disappear.
It’s about noticing them, carrying them, and moving forward anyway.
Not forcing calm, but finding clarity in the storm.

And I’ll be honest, this isn’t just something I teach.
It’s something I live.

When I first stepped away from the safety of salaried work into private practice, I carried a metaphor in my mind:

When I first stepped into private practice - left the security of salaried work, started building something on my own - I had this very clear picture in my mind.

I pictured myself at the helm of a 17th-century British man-of-war - oak-hulled and iron-willed, rigged for long voyages through unforgiving seas. 

A vessel built not for fair winds, but for survival in violent storms and strength in the chaos of battle. 

(Yes, I’m such a geek).

And out on the horizon, I could see it - a storm.
Not one I could sail around.
Not one I could avoid.
But one I would have to go through if I wanted to reach the land I knew was waiting on the other side.

Because if I’d turned back, I might have had safety and predictability… but it would mean a return to the safe harbour I already knew.

And I knew, deep down, that if I stayed tethered to that harbour, nothing would change.

My career would stay limited to someone else’s vision.

My earnings would always reflect someone else’s ceiling.

My family life would remain bound to schedules I didn’t choose.

And the bigger calling I felt in me - to make an impact on the people I serve and to build something meaningful of my own -  would remain just that: a calling, unanswered.

So I chose the storm.

And truthfully, there were times I longed for calmer waters.

Moments of doubt. Financial strain. Professional risk. Emotional exhaustion.

But I knew the destination I was aiming for could never be reached by staying tethered to shore.

And so, sometimes, surviving the storm is what gets you to the place you were meant to arrive all along.

Trusting myself didn’t mean I felt fearless.
It meant I kept going - with the support of family, friends, mentors, and colleagues who reminded me: no one sails alone.

That’s what I want for you, too.
Not blind confidence.
But the steady kind.
The kind that lets you face discomfort, uncertainty, and risk - not as signs you’re failing, but as proof you’re moving toward something that matters.

Because some lands - some versions of ourselves, some visions - can only be reached by sailing through the storm.

And that’s what it really means to trust yourself.

Not blind faith, not bravado, but the willingness to stay with discomfort, to notice the fear, doubt, and restless thoughts, and to keep moving toward what matters anyway.

It’s not a personality trait you either have or don’t.

It’s a skill - one you can train.

The steady practice of mastering your inner world so that when the storms arrives, you know how to hold your course.

Warmly,
Matt

P.S. Over the coming weeks, I’ll share more ways to build this kind of inner skillset - the psychological edge that helps you hold steady under pressure and keep moving toward the life and leadership you want.